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Overcoming Imposter Syndrome Through Self-Compassion
Dr. Nilesh Satguru
The BAE HQ welcomes Dr. Nilesh Satguru, a medical doctor and self-mastery coach.
Nilesh battled with imposter syndrome when he was younger and believed people who looked like him couldn't make a wider impact.
As a medical GP, he realised he wasn't transforming people how he hoped and then studied lifestyle medicine. He now focuses on helping leaders to be compassionate to themselves, their families, and their employees.
Show Notes
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Dr Nilesh Satguru: [00:00:00] I had a belief that Asians can't have a positive effect on them. I had this in the back of my mind, like, Oh, I'll never be able to positively impact communities because I'm brown. And I, I, I had that belief. I didn't know what I was doing. I had foggy glasses on. That's why self compassion is so incredible, because it helps you look in the mirror without blaming...
Dr Nilesh Satguru: your true self and just looking at the performance, performance of a person. My intentions right now is to ripple compassion to the world of entrepreneurs.
Amardeep Parmar: Welcome to the BAE HQ, where we inspire, connect and guide the next generation of prestations. Today we have with us Nilesh Satguru, who is a self mastery coach and a medical doctor. How are you doing today?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Very well, thanks for having me.
Amardeep Parmar: So we've obviously been in this situation before. I interviewed you, it was virtual that time.
Amardeep Parmar: And what I want to hear about for this time for the audience is, when you're growing up, did you ever think that you'd be doing what you are today, that you'd ever have your own company and [00:01:00] have your own business?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: In a word, no. At a really young age, I remember sitting on my grandmother's knee, and she was a psychiatrist, she was a medical doctor, and she, I suppose, had a big inspiration on me to become a doctor..
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And of course, as you well know about Asian culture, a lot of, a lot of us become doctors, lawyers, accountants, professions. So there's always this caring, compassionate side that was there from a young age. I always thought I was going to be a doctor for the rest of my life.
Amardeep Parmar: Where did this belief come from?
Amardeep Parmar: So you said, okay, I'm going to be a doctor. Then you obviously went on to become a doctor, right? Did it make you happy? It was everything you thought it was going to be.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Well, I absolutely loved being a doctor and technically I still am. I still have my license. I'm on sabbatical. Sometimes. It's not, you don't have to hate something in order to do something else.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And so I went through a lot of struggles, which I'm, I'll happily share in medicine as a junior doctor and then becoming a GP partner. [00:02:00] But then this burning desire for entrepreneurship, moving into the world of coaching came in. And it was, it just completely overrode anything else.
Amardeep Parmar: Where did that desire come from?
Amardeep Parmar: What was the trigger? Or was it building up over time? Was it a sudden switch?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah, it always builds up over time. I never believed those stories. They say it was just one thing. And there were many, many steps. I was working in medicine and I knew when I became a GP, I had my dream job. I remember I used to drive past the surgery, it's this beautiful little village.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And I imagine being this elbow padded GP and they somehow managed to get a job as a GP partner. That was very lucky. But as soon as I started seeing patients, I realized what I really wanted was transformation to make people better. And the tools I had were just not making people better. Twenty thirty medications, thirty three days, people were waiting to come and see me.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: I had a list of two thousand four hundred patients. It was really, really difficult. So then I started to look for other avenues within medicine. [00:03:00] If you like being like, like a little entrepreneur within medicine. So when I ended up leaving the practices and the whole story around that, I went and started to work with companies to help them with their employees well being.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: It's something called occupational medicine, and so if people have been off for a long time sick, I would see them to help them return to work. And whilst I was doing that, I also studied with Rangan Chatterjee and the British Society of Lifestyle Medicine and learned lifestyle medicine. And so then I learned about health coaching, and then I was being coached through the NHS Leadership Academy.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: You see, there's so many steps, but I remember there was definitely one moment when I was Speaking to this person who had been off work for quite some time, six months, very stressed, and he's working at managerial level and he was just being treated awfully, no compassion for him and what he was going.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: This isn't someone who is taking loads of sick days. And I thought I could be working with the leaders of these [00:04:00] businesses, helping them be more compassionate with their staff, helping them get the best out of themselves, their families and their stuff. And then serendipitously, various things occurred, and that's what started to happen.
Amardeep Parmar: At the beginning, did you go completely, like, leave the practice and leave the medicine world? You said you were doing these other things on the side. Did it, was it a balance? Was it part time first? Did it go full time? How did that transition work?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah, I was smiling because there was no, like, clear boundaries.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: It wasn't like I just, you know, The thing about the medical partnership is that I signed on the dotted line of a contract saying that I would have 38 years of job security. Fantastic, you know, secured job unless I died or did something awful. So it was very difficult for me to kind of leave that as you can imagine.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: But when I did leave that, I carried on as a locum GP and then I had all these little projects going on. So I was working, I was doing some lifestyle medicine work with the GP
Dr Nilesh Satguru: surgery. I was doing this occupational health [00:05:00] work, and then as the coaching started to build up, I slowly and I went down literally from four days of medicine, three days, two days, one day. And now in February, I went full time in the business and I'm on sabbatical now. So it was a very stepwise thing. And I would honestly encourage that for everybody.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: If anyone is thinking of going into entrepreneurship, it doesn't have to be this Grand, you know, FU resignation letter and just take each step as it comes.
Amardeep Parmar: So you mentioned there about lifestyle medicine. For people who don't know what that is, could you just explain like why lifestyle medicine and what made you interested in that area as well?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Well, it's something I'm so incredibly passionate about. So lifestyle medicine, the definition, if you like, is it's a specialty based in science and evidence that looks to prevent, treat and reverse. And that's the bit, the sexy bit that got me really excited. Chronic conditions. So that's essentially what I became a doctor for, to reverse conditions.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Reverse people's anxiety, depression, diabetes, high blood pressure, erectile [00:06:00] problems. And it was like magic. You know, I went and all the frustrations I had as a doctor because you want to make your patients better. They started to melt away when I learned a lot of the practices that Rangan teaches in his course with Dr.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Ayan Panja and the British Society of Lifestyle Medicine. I started to see people get better. It was incredibly fulfilling, but I also realized that that wasn't actually the root root cause. And that's what led me into the mind, the spirit, coaching, the true self.
Amardeep Parmar: You were doing all these things almost concurrently, right?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah, yeah.
Amardeep Parmar: For a bit of time. What was, who was the first coaching client? What made you think, okay, I'm going to work? So you said about working with the leaders directly. How did you get that first client?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: It's a fantastic question. Well, you know, I think it's very rare for someone to get into the world of coaching unless they've experienced it themselves.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And something magical happened in that I was in technically, I was in a leadership role as this GP partner, and there was a, I saw an email for NHS Leadership Academy [00:07:00] coaching. And so somehow I got this amazing coach, this wonderful lady, her name was Jo, she helped me see what I couldn't see. She helped me believe in myself like I could never believe in myself.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And she actually had amazing strategies of how to deal with it. And I was, she saw how excited I was about this, this process. And so she, serendipitously, reached out a year after we finished coaching and that was just when I'd done the diploma with the British Society of Lifestyle Medicine. And this is a really important thing.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: I didn't know what I was doing. I had foggy glasses on. I literally was like just following loads of different ideas and interests, but every now and again I'd get a ping. And now I know that's an intuitive ping. And I had this ping when I was doing lifestyle medicine that behavioral change was where it was at.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And so as I was studying the lifestyle medicine, my old coach reached out to me and she said, we've got this health coaching diploma. Do you want to go do that? So. I, I did that [00:08:00] and then it happened that I basically met people serendipitously. They wanted to, I started to talk about what I was doing and I offered them to come for an experience of coaching.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: This is the most important thing. And so yes, it was someone that I serendipitously met and then actually the next client was a patient recommended me to someone else as it was all through kind of existing people that I knew.
Amardeep Parmar: Yeah.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Built from there.
Amardeep Parmar: So obviously being a GP partner, you had years and years studying to become that level, right?
Amardeep Parmar: And then going into coaching, it's a very different thing, right? You can get diplomas, you can get training in it, but it's not quite the same as, I guess, the confidence you might have as a GP because, you know, I've got 10 years experience, I've got my degrees, I've passed my exams. How was that experience?
Amardeep Parmar: Because a lot of people might think I'm not at the stage that I can do coaching or I shouldn't be a coach or can I help people? How do I make this worth it? How did you overcome those kind of questions?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Here's the biggest mistake I made and most coaches [00:09:00] make, is that I didn't do the deep work first, or I did some work, but it wasn't deep enough.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And I still find now the deeper I go with them myself, the more I can help people see their true selves and, yeah, I trained with the High Performance Institute, which was phenomenal training. And the reason why I was drawn to that was that it was based on the world's largest study of high performance.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: See, this is my medical brain. You know, I needed the data. I needed the logic. And what I realized is the training with them is that there is a rhythm, a structure to help people have lives filled with positive relationships, satisfaction, peace, joy, love. There's a framework for that. It's a process. But it's another thing to help people move beyond possibility to help people, you know, create a powerful mission that serves humanity.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And that's why actually I left from the High Performance Institute as well. And I'm [00:10:00] now completely using all of my own methods. So. You know, if you want to get into the world of coaching, certifications are all great, but never, ever, ever forget that you doing the deep work is arguably the most important thing.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: That's what I continue to do.
Amardeep Parmar: Before you start recording, you mentioned as well how when you grew up, right, you didn't have anybody who looked like you around you, right?. But you mentioned how you've changed your rung and strategy and people like that. And it's somebody who looks like me, who's got my background, who's doing very well.
Amardeep Parmar: When you said you're at school and you said you're the only. Like Asian person in your school. How did that transition happen? How did you start seeing, like, did you feel like you belonged at that stage? Or when did that kind of come in?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: It's a fantastic question. You know, my, my schooling, there were probably people on this who've been to loads of different schools.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And we were quite unique, is if anyone's Sri Lankan and they know this, my mum was, is from a Sinhalese family. My dad's from a Tamil family. And so from a young age, they really taught me this concept of unity. I, we, we didn't learn Sinhalese or Tamil. We only spoke English at home. We didn't go to any specific, like a [00:11:00] Tamil school or a Sinhalese school.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: In fact, relatively, we knew very little about the culture compared to our cousins. And then we moved to the Netherlands. My dad got a job in the Netherlands. And it was like, my mind's were blown because at my school, there were 65 nationalities in the school and we were living in the Hague, which is the most, one of the most international place in the world.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And we knew, we then got into a community of Asians and we started to knew a lot, a lot of Sri Lankans. They had a very small tight knit, but you're exactly right. I remember when, so I spent about seven years off social media. From the end of university time till, you know, midway through my kind of medical career and then instantly I found myself drawn to Rangan and I remember Rupi Aujla if anyone, I just found myself drawn and I thought, Oh, yeah, it's because it is because they're like me and I didn't realize that but I was subconsciously drawn to them.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And when I saw them, I realized I had a b*** belief, forgive me on that, that Asians can't [00:12:00] have a positive effect. I had this in the back of my mind, like, Oh, I'll never be able to positively impact communities because I'm brown. And I, I had that belief. But then when I saw those people doing such amazing work, you know, it was incredibly inspiring.
Amardeep Parmar: It's one of the challenges, I think, right. Because part of what this podcast is, right, is getting people like yourself on so that people listen to me like, Oh, okay. There's somebody who looks like me who's doing this. But also you sometimes need people who. We'll just break the mold. Like, oh, it doesn't matter.
Amardeep Parmar: It's not anybody who looks like me. And they do it anyway. And you've got that mix of people. And it's really interesting to me to find how it affects different people in different ways. Right. And some people might not even know that it affects them. ‘Cause I guess with that belief, did you know that you always had that?
Amardeep Parmar: Or is it just. In the back of your head that was holding you back and maybe ..
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Well, we can absolutely this is, you know, underpins all of my work. So they have a phrase called SMB shift my beliefs. No, I didn't know it was holding me back. It's only when you raise your consciousness, do you become aware [00:13:00] of such things.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: But I remember. I was always fascinated with leadership from a young age. And I remember my brother used to, my brother is older and he, my dad used to say that, Oh, he is such a great leader. And he was, he was brilliant at bringing people together. He became an entrepreneur. But I remember I had the story going in my head, which is just a story that the reason why I didn't get cricket captain when I was 11 or 14 or whatever it was.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: I remember one of the most painful moments was I thought I was going to get a leadership position at school. And I was so clear in my last year that I was going to get it. And I didn't get it, and I spent hours... crying. Clearly I wasn't ready for it at that stage. So I think that probably did in my head without me realizing it, there was probably something there saying, well, it's clearly because, you know, of the color of my skin or it's because I feel I wasn't good enough.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Or so I, yeah, beliefs, there's some research that come out by Stanford, 95 percent of our actions are [00:14:00] down to our beliefs. And so that, that's where my point of focus is nowadays. If there's something I'm repetitively butting my head with, I look at my own beliefs and it's very empowering. 'Cause actually there's only about 15 to 20 core beliefs that we all struggle with.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And you know.
Amardeep Parmar: What are some of the problems you see quite. Commonly where beliefs that people need to shift where you see they hold this negative belief or toxic belief and maybe they're not even aware that they hold it.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah, I want you to picture this scene. So imagine you are reaching the top of your career and you're reaching an executive level, direct level, your main company, whether that's in corporate, whether it's an accountancy law or a top field of medicine and
Dr Nilesh Satguru: you're giving, you're giving, you're giving, you're getting amazing feedback, but inside you feel empty. You feel burnt out. You feel like you're giving and you're not getting, you feel undervalued. You feel like you're not appreciated. And this is actually a real life story from one of my clients. And what happens is they move another company.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: They think it's because of the company [00:15:00] and it happens again and then it happens again. And then they start to actually take a deep look at themselves. And they realize that, that they've been overworking through fear of criticism or fear of success or they haven't really, they haven't really gone inwards and done what their heart's telling them to do because they're afraid they might lose something.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: As opposed to what they're going to gain. And so this literally happened when in my, my, my sessions with one of my clients, that they were leaving their role as a, as a director of a corporate and they want to set up a wellness business, but there was something that kept blocking them and holding them back.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And when we went deep, we realized it was this fear of success, which is actually the fear of the loss of love or belonging. Because, of course, success can be quite a lonely place for some people because all of a sudden you don't think in the same way, you don't have the same environment, same people, same beliefs, and so often the inner child or the little [00:16:00] part within us is afraid that we're going to lose something.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: So the good news is when you're aware of that, you can surround yourself with people who make you feel like you belong, and as a result, you can have the best of both worlds.
Amardeep Parmar: Something I'm spotting a lot now, right, is you often see quite a few Asians getting to the top of the ladder in the corporate world.
Amardeep Parmar: And many of them might complain about their bosses, whatever like that, but there's relatively fewer of them who are then going out and doing their own thing and actually building their own companies. And I see that quite often. You see, now that I do my own thing, I go to some of these events and you can see people complaining about promotions or this or that, and they're doing very well in their careers.
Amardeep Parmar: But this whole other world of potentially doing their own thing, it's even though they know they're good at what they do, they know that they've got the skills, they believe that they should get promoted. They still don't believe in themselves or they don't believe that they're capable of doing their own thing as stepping out of that corporate ladder.
Amardeep Parmar: Is that something you see quite often as well? And you mentioned it was similar to what the problem you said there, right? Of the person who is doing very well in their career and wants to step aside and build their own business. [00:17:00] But the idea that. Those skills weren’t translated.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah. And by the way, they did translate and they're doing amazingly well, of course, because as we well know that building a business is all about skills as well.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: I'm going to talk about my own story here because, you know, I, I lived through this lens without realizing it of my worth, my happiness, my success comes from things outside of me. So I used to go to medical trainings and used to see that teachers had, the medical lecturers had all these letters next to their name and I'm like, I'm going to get those.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And I did, I got this occupational health diploma, I got this lifestyle medicine diploma, I had 21 letters next to my name and it was worth it was, I didn't say it was worth it certainly wasn't worthless, but it was, it didn't have the meaning that I really wanted. What I really saw was service, contribution, transformation of people making a difference.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And I just thought that that was the vehicle that I had to go down. You know, I think I just, I just want to share with people that the most, one of the most important things that I've learned through my mistakes is [00:18:00] you must never look outside of yourself, what we call object referral, keep your true self as a point of referral.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And that's essentially self mastery, pay attention to those moments that feel timeless, like this conversation, pay attention to when your heart feels on fire, when you have passion and desire and love freedom, you know, where someone pays you a compliment for something that seemed effortless to you. But to them, it was the world.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Pay attention to that because it's always speaking to you. And, uh, you know, if you do that and you follow that, I can't guarantee the thing about looking outside yourself. It's all based on control and power, like you wanting to know what's going to happen next.
Amardeep Parmar: Yeah.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: But nobody knows this stuff. You
Dr Nilesh Satguru: know, it’s like life is a lot more fun when we detach that and I get it it's really hard to do that. So that's my, my lesson from that, from collecting all those things that I thought would make me happy. There's actually one other small story is as I was just about to make the jump into entrepreneurship and I left the partnership, I was working at the other practice in the village [00:19:00] and I was looking into the eyes of this guy who was 10 years ahead of me in his career, had all the titles, amazing, like, you know, rock star of the world, shall we say in that
Dr Nilesh Satguru: in that department. And they look miserable. I remember saying that to my dad, I remember going back and saying it to my dad and just saying, I don't want that. Looking inwards and not outwards.
Amardeep Parmar: Obviously, a lot of people are asking from the podcast, or they reach out to me about different things and they'll say, and like I said, they'll do some of these external marks of success, right?
Amardeep Parmar: So I've been featured in Forbes, I've been done this, I've been done that. And it's like, now that I'm over 150 episodes in, right? It's a bit, those markers have changed in terms of my perception of them. But what I think is important sometimes with some of these markers, they can help you if it's a means to an end, right?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yes.
Amardeep Parmar: If you're getting those letters because you want to actually use those, like what that thing that you studied for is going to enable you to do things in the right way. It's going to enable you to do things that are going to make you happy. If you're getting it for the sake of getting it, that's where the problem comes [00:20:00] into play.
Amardeep Parmar: And it doesn't matter what group, what you're in, right? If you're an entrepreneur and you're just trying really hard to win an award, be featured in Forbes or be in the BBC, then is that just for the meaning, not for the, you can put it on your website.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Status.
Amardeep Parmar: Yeah, status, yeah.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: we're all seeking status, aren't we? And I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that, you know, the whole reason why our families want us to be doctors, lawyers, and accountants is for status because status meant security.
Amardeep Parmar: Yeah.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Status meant you're respected, not criticized. So this makes sense. It's not that you shouldn't feel wrong for doing that.
Amardeep Parmar: Yeah. And I think what happens over time is that people start to realize that that status by itself doesn't necessarily mean anything. Right. But if for example, those letters enable you to then help more people, that means something.
Amardeep Parmar: And even if you go back to my karate background, right. Is that a lot of people quit as soon as they get black belt because they just wanted the status of saying they're a black belt. If they actually enjoy the process, then you take that black part and you continue training and that's why I think a lot of people should think about more It's like if you're trying to chase and try to go into this [00:21:00] try to do that Is it that that enabled you to then do more of what you enjoy?
Amardeep Parmar: Or are you just doing it for that tick? And the more you do things just for that tick of like, yes, I've done that. But did it mean anything? Did it not mean anything? And I think it's a sad thing is sometimes it takes success in order for people to realize that. And we're talking about earlier in terms of money as well, right?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yes.
Amardeep Parmar: People think, Oh, I need this amount of money to be happy. Is that really true or is that just what you tell yourself? And it's so difficult when you're in the journey to know why you're doing things correctly.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Absolutely. I got to ask you about your karate, one question. What, what do you believe your karate gives you in the rest of your life?
Amardeep Parmar: So I haven't done it for now for a few years, but I did it for over a decade. And the key thing it gave me is a lot of confidence as well. Right. Is that I, you see a lot of people very much driven by needing to prove they're strong, right? So look, for example, like earlier this week, before we recorded this, I admitted on social media, [00:22:00] I've started therapy because I don't need to prove I'm strong anymore to anybody.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Beautiful.
Amardeep Parmar: I'm not worried about people thinking I'm weak and karate, it’s not because I can go around and beat people up. It's not about that. It's about the inner belief it gave me is that if I can handle the training. If I have that focus, I have that mindset, then that means I can go further with life, right? And it means that I back myself in different situations.
Amardeep Parmar: And I think that that pressure, if you're used to kind of standing there and people trying to punch you in the face and you can not be scared, then it gives you that belief in other problems you face in life as well. And I think that's the main thing karate gave me. And it doesn't need to be a martial art.
Amardeep Parmar: I could be anything. This is anything you did to a higher level.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: This is exactly right. And please keep going. I was just riffing on you.
Amardeep Parmar: Yeah. And it can be dance. It can be like, I've done, one of the things I think I've found throughout my life is that I do multiple things to get to a higher level than I pick something new to start, right?
Amardeep Parmar: And what I enjoy is that stage of when you're, once you've got to that stage where you're very good at something, you've [00:23:00] got that belief in it. And it just feels effortless. Like you mentioned earlier, right? Cause that effortlessness, that's an amazing feeling. And that's something which I enjoy rather than just a simple fact of, Oh, yeah, I can tell people about, but it's more about that, that journey and that feeling it gives you.
Amardeep Parmar: And I guess, in medicine would have given you that, right? So when you're then stepping into becoming an entrepreneur. Obviously you're not good at the beginning, right?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: No, not at all.
Amardeep Parmar: And how did you overcome that? How did you go from this very, you must have had self belief in I'm a great doctor, but then being able to take that step down and make mistakes and I'm not very good at this because that's something that stops a lot of people from doing new things, right?
Amardeep Parmar: They might not enjoy what they're doing, but it might not make the massively happy, but at least I know I'm good at it. Whereas it's hard for people to then go to something which is a bad out and start that journey again.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, look, I'm going to pick up on two things from your story and I'll relate it to this.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: The first thing is what Amar was talking about with his karate is the exact beautiful definition of self [00:24:00] referral, you know, in that moment, you didn't need to prove anything self confidence. You stand differently. You see more opportunities. Your life's just much better and then the second thing you said is effort for effortful to effortless and I want to ask everyone and I asked myself this question, a lot what right now feels effortful that can become effortless or what at the moment feels effortless that was once effortful.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: So in one word in how I transitioned and it's compassion And that's essentially what I do. I help people transform through the power of compassion because compassion sows a seal of self mastery within you. When I started, Oh my God, I've lost counting the amount of no's I got. I lost count of the amount of times I thought I made a fool out of myself and beat myself up.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And I started to look for ways of how I can enjoy this journey of what is just a beautiful process of entrepreneurship, being able to actually help you. I mean, you think about it for a minute. You start off with an idea and all of a sudden you're helping people and then you have people that you have [00:25:00] subcontracts and you know, you support you.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: It's an amazing process, but without compassion, I would have given up and I, 100 percent would have given up. I would have gone back to medicine. I would probably be unfulfilled again. Um, I would be struggling. And in ways that, who knows, I mean, my dad died just like yours, your dad's died recently. My dad died in March and without compassion for myself, this is, I'm talking about self compassion first.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: I couldn't have continued to produce, be out there serving my clients and my family, my young family. So in a word, it's compassion that helps you go. And there's loads of research on this as well. And I can talk for hours about that, but I won't do that today.
Amardeep Parmar: What are some of the mistakes that you made and you had to
Amardeep Parmar: almost forgive yourself for and be like, okay, it's okay that I made the mistake. And I've learned from it. And maybe you can help somebody who might be making that mistake today, or is going to make the mistake in a couple months time.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah. Let's say three things. Okay. So the first one is one that [00:26:00] I've only recently realized, and it's the immense power of self awareness.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And it's why self compassion is so incredible because it helps you look in the mirror without blaming your true self and just looking at the performance, performance over person. And so I recently went on a silent retreat and I had a good long look at myself and I realized that when I followed a certain process, things worked out and I didn't, it didn't, it's just, it is simple as that.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Second thing we spoke about off air, which is being too influenced by the people who aren't your people. And this is why I mentioned earlier, you know, whether it's coaching or whatever, do the deep work on yourself, look inside of yourself, find out who are you, what do you value, what do you repeatedly do, what environments are important to you, who's influenced you in your career.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: When you understand these parts of yourself, you start to become a magnet for people who are your people, you keep those people close to you. And everybody else, you very politely don't listen to, with compassion and kindness. [00:27:00] And I was too influenced, and by the way, I mean everyone else, I mean the people you see on social media, I mean the people, like, if I'm not your person, don't listen to me.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: That's completely right. And then the last one is focus and attention, which is a huge problem that I struggled with, and I've realized, the great quote is, attention energizes, intention transforms. So we were talking about this before, if you've got problems with your energy, which of course many of us do, and I had, it was up and down, it's because my attention has been pulled in so many different directions, trying to be the best father I could be, trying to be the best brother, the best son, also, you know, cook at home, whatever it is, and trying to do 10 different projects at once.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And realizing that I could be a jack of all trades, but master of none. Those are the three big mistakes that I've made really, I'd say, is the lack of self awareness, and you can always improve in that. And the second is being too influenced by others who aren't your people. And the third is paying detailed attention to the quality of your attention.[00:28:00]
Dr Nilesh Satguru: If you get the quality of your attention right, things happen fast and they have done for me in that, in that respect.
Amardeep Parmar: You mentioned intentions there, right? So for the audience, where are you today and what are you most excited about for the future? What's coming up?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah. Amazing. So the way I look at intentions is intentions are the desire without an attachment to the exactly how it happens and the end result.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And I've really struggled for a long time. I'm very attached to the way things should happen. Um, my intentions right now is to ripple compassion to the world of entrepreneurs, you know, and that could be through writing, through speaking, through coaching. I'm very open. And as a result, I've just become infinitely more relaxed.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Now, one thing I will say is I must be better in a lot of ways with the business aspects, and I'm starting to love that process. But like many coaches, we love the coaching, but not the business side of it. And now I'm learning to love that process. I haven't really explained what I mean by self mastery, but essentially self mastery is the continuous expansion of who [00:29:00] you are and the effortless fulfillment of meaningful desires is essentially how you flourish, how you have that sense of wellbeing and not just, not just life satisfaction at any one moment is actually about contribution service, giving back, going inwards to give outwards, probably the simplest way I would describe it.
Amardeep Parmar: So enjoy this conversation, but we're gonna have to go to some quick fire questions now. So the first one is, who are three British Asians, you'd love to shout out who you think people listening right now should be paying attention to and following.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Okay, well, I'm Sri Lankan by background, so I've got to shout out Romesh Ranganathan.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Uh, I seen that, I mean, he's completely, what I found so amazing about him is that he's made a career out of the jokes we used to tell at parties, which is brilliant. I must shout out my good friend, mental inspiration, Simon Ong. Who's been on this podcast, uh, he's just the deep work he goes into and is making, you know, a global impact with his [00:30:00] work now.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And then third of all, I've got to shout out, uh, Rangan Chatterjee, who was an absolutely huge inspiration when I first saw him and, and I got to meet him, an incredibly kind person as well, which is, you know, which is a lovely thing.
Amardeep Parmar: So huge fan of all these people. Next question. Is what could people listening right now reach out to you about for help?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: If you're wanting to unlock your true self, true success and fulfillment or self mastery, if you're struggling with clarity about your next steps or self doubt, self confidence or really, if you have a powerful vision for the future and you need somebody to help you see what you cannot see, you need someone to challenge you in ways that no one else has.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And to give you a really deep experience of that, uh, then be in touch.
Amardeep Parmar: And then on the flip side, is there anything you need help with right now?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Oh my God. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Well, we got, I got two young kids, you got the trials and tribulations of a young family. I always am looking for people to challenge me.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: I love being challenged. Call [00:31:00] me out, ask me questions. Tell me what you think I could be better at. I, I'm. Always interested in people who, who can do that. And I think I, I don't love this word marketing. Uh, I much prefer giving people a deep experience and building relationships. That's what I much prefer, but I'm always looking to improve in that department.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: How can I build more authentic relationships? So if anyone's open to that.
Amardeep Parmar: So, loved talking today. Have you got any final words for the audience?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah, if there's one message I want to leave people is that compassion not only reduces suffering but also creates mastery. And never forget that going inwards to give outwards, that's what we're really here to do and, you know, hopefully through a lot of the mistakes and stories I shared, we can rip all compassion out into the world.
Amardeep Parmar: Hello, hello everyone. Thank you so much for listening. It means a huge amount to us. And we don't think you realize how [00:32:00] important you are. Because if you subscribe to our YouTube channel, if you leave us a five star review, it makes a world of difference. And if you believe in what we're trying to do here, to inspire, connect and guide the next generation British Asians.
Amardeep Parmar: If you do those things, you can help us achieve that mission and you can help us make a bigger impact. And by doing that, it means we can get bigger guests. We can host more events. We can do more for the community. So you can play a huge part. So thank you so much for supporting us.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: [00:00:00] I had a belief that Asians can't have a positive effect on them. I had this in the back of my mind, like, Oh, I'll never be able to positively impact communities because I'm brown. And I, I, I had that belief. I didn't know what I was doing. I had foggy glasses on. That's why self compassion is so incredible, because it helps you look in the mirror without blaming...
Dr Nilesh Satguru: your true self and just looking at the performance, performance of a person. My intentions right now is to ripple compassion to the world of entrepreneurs.
Amardeep Parmar: Welcome to the BAE HQ, where we inspire, connect and guide the next generation of prestations. Today we have with us Nilesh Satguru, who is a self mastery coach and a medical doctor. How are you doing today?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Very well, thanks for having me.
Amardeep Parmar: So we've obviously been in this situation before. I interviewed you, it was virtual that time.
Amardeep Parmar: And what I want to hear about for this time for the audience is, when you're growing up, did you ever think that you'd be doing what you are today, that you'd ever have your own company and [00:01:00] have your own business?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: In a word, no. At a really young age, I remember sitting on my grandmother's knee, and she was a psychiatrist, she was a medical doctor, and she, I suppose, had a big inspiration on me to become a doctor..
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And of course, as you well know about Asian culture, a lot of, a lot of us become doctors, lawyers, accountants, professions. So there's always this caring, compassionate side that was there from a young age. I always thought I was going to be a doctor for the rest of my life.
Amardeep Parmar: Where did this belief come from?
Amardeep Parmar: So you said, okay, I'm going to be a doctor. Then you obviously went on to become a doctor, right? Did it make you happy? It was everything you thought it was going to be.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Well, I absolutely loved being a doctor and technically I still am. I still have my license. I'm on sabbatical. Sometimes. It's not, you don't have to hate something in order to do something else.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And so I went through a lot of struggles, which I'm, I'll happily share in medicine as a junior doctor and then becoming a GP partner. [00:02:00] But then this burning desire for entrepreneurship, moving into the world of coaching came in. And it was, it just completely overrode anything else.
Amardeep Parmar: Where did that desire come from?
Amardeep Parmar: What was the trigger? Or was it building up over time? Was it a sudden switch?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah, it always builds up over time. I never believed those stories. They say it was just one thing. And there were many, many steps. I was working in medicine and I knew when I became a GP, I had my dream job. I remember I used to drive past the surgery, it's this beautiful little village.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And I imagine being this elbow padded GP and they somehow managed to get a job as a GP partner. That was very lucky. But as soon as I started seeing patients, I realized what I really wanted was transformation to make people better. And the tools I had were just not making people better. Twenty thirty medications, thirty three days, people were waiting to come and see me.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: I had a list of two thousand four hundred patients. It was really, really difficult. So then I started to look for other avenues within medicine. [00:03:00] If you like being like, like a little entrepreneur within medicine. So when I ended up leaving the practices and the whole story around that, I went and started to work with companies to help them with their employees well being.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: It's something called occupational medicine, and so if people have been off for a long time sick, I would see them to help them return to work. And whilst I was doing that, I also studied with Rangan Chatterjee and the British Society of Lifestyle Medicine and learned lifestyle medicine. And so then I learned about health coaching, and then I was being coached through the NHS Leadership Academy.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: You see, there's so many steps, but I remember there was definitely one moment when I was Speaking to this person who had been off work for quite some time, six months, very stressed, and he's working at managerial level and he was just being treated awfully, no compassion for him and what he was going.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: This isn't someone who is taking loads of sick days. And I thought I could be working with the leaders of these [00:04:00] businesses, helping them be more compassionate with their staff, helping them get the best out of themselves, their families and their stuff. And then serendipitously, various things occurred, and that's what started to happen.
Amardeep Parmar: At the beginning, did you go completely, like, leave the practice and leave the medicine world? You said you were doing these other things on the side. Did it, was it a balance? Was it part time first? Did it go full time? How did that transition work?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah, I was smiling because there was no, like, clear boundaries.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: It wasn't like I just, you know, The thing about the medical partnership is that I signed on the dotted line of a contract saying that I would have 38 years of job security. Fantastic, you know, secured job unless I died or did something awful. So it was very difficult for me to kind of leave that as you can imagine.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: But when I did leave that, I carried on as a locum GP and then I had all these little projects going on. So I was working, I was doing some lifestyle medicine work with the GP
Dr Nilesh Satguru: surgery. I was doing this occupational health [00:05:00] work, and then as the coaching started to build up, I slowly and I went down literally from four days of medicine, three days, two days, one day. And now in February, I went full time in the business and I'm on sabbatical now. So it was a very stepwise thing. And I would honestly encourage that for everybody.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: If anyone is thinking of going into entrepreneurship, it doesn't have to be this Grand, you know, FU resignation letter and just take each step as it comes.
Amardeep Parmar: So you mentioned there about lifestyle medicine. For people who don't know what that is, could you just explain like why lifestyle medicine and what made you interested in that area as well?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Well, it's something I'm so incredibly passionate about. So lifestyle medicine, the definition, if you like, is it's a specialty based in science and evidence that looks to prevent, treat and reverse. And that's the bit, the sexy bit that got me really excited. Chronic conditions. So that's essentially what I became a doctor for, to reverse conditions.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Reverse people's anxiety, depression, diabetes, high blood pressure, erectile [00:06:00] problems. And it was like magic. You know, I went and all the frustrations I had as a doctor because you want to make your patients better. They started to melt away when I learned a lot of the practices that Rangan teaches in his course with Dr.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Ayan Panja and the British Society of Lifestyle Medicine. I started to see people get better. It was incredibly fulfilling, but I also realized that that wasn't actually the root root cause. And that's what led me into the mind, the spirit, coaching, the true self.
Amardeep Parmar: You were doing all these things almost concurrently, right?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah, yeah.
Amardeep Parmar: For a bit of time. What was, who was the first coaching client? What made you think, okay, I'm going to work? So you said about working with the leaders directly. How did you get that first client?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: It's a fantastic question. Well, you know, I think it's very rare for someone to get into the world of coaching unless they've experienced it themselves.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And something magical happened in that I was in technically, I was in a leadership role as this GP partner, and there was a, I saw an email for NHS Leadership Academy [00:07:00] coaching. And so somehow I got this amazing coach, this wonderful lady, her name was Jo, she helped me see what I couldn't see. She helped me believe in myself like I could never believe in myself.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And she actually had amazing strategies of how to deal with it. And I was, she saw how excited I was about this, this process. And so she, serendipitously, reached out a year after we finished coaching and that was just when I'd done the diploma with the British Society of Lifestyle Medicine. And this is a really important thing.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: I didn't know what I was doing. I had foggy glasses on. I literally was like just following loads of different ideas and interests, but every now and again I'd get a ping. And now I know that's an intuitive ping. And I had this ping when I was doing lifestyle medicine that behavioral change was where it was at.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And so as I was studying the lifestyle medicine, my old coach reached out to me and she said, we've got this health coaching diploma. Do you want to go do that? So. I, I did that [00:08:00] and then it happened that I basically met people serendipitously. They wanted to, I started to talk about what I was doing and I offered them to come for an experience of coaching.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: This is the most important thing. And so yes, it was someone that I serendipitously met and then actually the next client was a patient recommended me to someone else as it was all through kind of existing people that I knew.
Amardeep Parmar: Yeah.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Built from there.
Amardeep Parmar: So obviously being a GP partner, you had years and years studying to become that level, right?
Amardeep Parmar: And then going into coaching, it's a very different thing, right? You can get diplomas, you can get training in it, but it's not quite the same as, I guess, the confidence you might have as a GP because, you know, I've got 10 years experience, I've got my degrees, I've passed my exams. How was that experience?
Amardeep Parmar: Because a lot of people might think I'm not at the stage that I can do coaching or I shouldn't be a coach or can I help people? How do I make this worth it? How did you overcome those kind of questions?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Here's the biggest mistake I made and most coaches [00:09:00] make, is that I didn't do the deep work first, or I did some work, but it wasn't deep enough.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And I still find now the deeper I go with them myself, the more I can help people see their true selves and, yeah, I trained with the High Performance Institute, which was phenomenal training. And the reason why I was drawn to that was that it was based on the world's largest study of high performance.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: See, this is my medical brain. You know, I needed the data. I needed the logic. And what I realized is the training with them is that there is a rhythm, a structure to help people have lives filled with positive relationships, satisfaction, peace, joy, love. There's a framework for that. It's a process. But it's another thing to help people move beyond possibility to help people, you know, create a powerful mission that serves humanity.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And that's why actually I left from the High Performance Institute as well. And I'm [00:10:00] now completely using all of my own methods. So. You know, if you want to get into the world of coaching, certifications are all great, but never, ever, ever forget that you doing the deep work is arguably the most important thing.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: That's what I continue to do.
Amardeep Parmar: Before you start recording, you mentioned as well how when you grew up, right, you didn't have anybody who looked like you around you, right?. But you mentioned how you've changed your rung and strategy and people like that. And it's somebody who looks like me, who's got my background, who's doing very well.
Amardeep Parmar: When you said you're at school and you said you're the only. Like Asian person in your school. How did that transition happen? How did you start seeing, like, did you feel like you belonged at that stage? Or when did that kind of come in?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: It's a fantastic question. You know, my, my schooling, there were probably people on this who've been to loads of different schools.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And we were quite unique, is if anyone's Sri Lankan and they know this, my mum was, is from a Sinhalese family. My dad's from a Tamil family. And so from a young age, they really taught me this concept of unity. I, we, we didn't learn Sinhalese or Tamil. We only spoke English at home. We didn't go to any specific, like a [00:11:00] Tamil school or a Sinhalese school.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: In fact, relatively, we knew very little about the culture compared to our cousins. And then we moved to the Netherlands. My dad got a job in the Netherlands. And it was like, my mind's were blown because at my school, there were 65 nationalities in the school and we were living in the Hague, which is the most, one of the most international place in the world.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And we knew, we then got into a community of Asians and we started to knew a lot, a lot of Sri Lankans. They had a very small tight knit, but you're exactly right. I remember when, so I spent about seven years off social media. From the end of university time till, you know, midway through my kind of medical career and then instantly I found myself drawn to Rangan and I remember Rupi Aujla if anyone, I just found myself drawn and I thought, Oh, yeah, it's because it is because they're like me and I didn't realize that but I was subconsciously drawn to them.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And when I saw them, I realized I had a b*** belief, forgive me on that, that Asians can't [00:12:00] have a positive effect. I had this in the back of my mind, like, Oh, I'll never be able to positively impact communities because I'm brown. And I, I had that belief. But then when I saw those people doing such amazing work, you know, it was incredibly inspiring.
Amardeep Parmar: It's one of the challenges, I think, right. Because part of what this podcast is, right, is getting people like yourself on so that people listen to me like, Oh, okay. There's somebody who looks like me who's doing this. But also you sometimes need people who. We'll just break the mold. Like, oh, it doesn't matter.
Amardeep Parmar: It's not anybody who looks like me. And they do it anyway. And you've got that mix of people. And it's really interesting to me to find how it affects different people in different ways. Right. And some people might not even know that it affects them. ‘Cause I guess with that belief, did you know that you always had that?
Amardeep Parmar: Or is it just. In the back of your head that was holding you back and maybe ..
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Well, we can absolutely this is, you know, underpins all of my work. So they have a phrase called SMB shift my beliefs. No, I didn't know it was holding me back. It's only when you raise your consciousness, do you become aware [00:13:00] of such things.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: But I remember. I was always fascinated with leadership from a young age. And I remember my brother used to, my brother is older and he, my dad used to say that, Oh, he is such a great leader. And he was, he was brilliant at bringing people together. He became an entrepreneur. But I remember I had the story going in my head, which is just a story that the reason why I didn't get cricket captain when I was 11 or 14 or whatever it was.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: I remember one of the most painful moments was I thought I was going to get a leadership position at school. And I was so clear in my last year that I was going to get it. And I didn't get it, and I spent hours... crying. Clearly I wasn't ready for it at that stage. So I think that probably did in my head without me realizing it, there was probably something there saying, well, it's clearly because, you know, of the color of my skin or it's because I feel I wasn't good enough.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Or so I, yeah, beliefs, there's some research that come out by Stanford, 95 percent of our actions are [00:14:00] down to our beliefs. And so that, that's where my point of focus is nowadays. If there's something I'm repetitively butting my head with, I look at my own beliefs and it's very empowering. 'Cause actually there's only about 15 to 20 core beliefs that we all struggle with.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And you know.
Amardeep Parmar: What are some of the problems you see quite. Commonly where beliefs that people need to shift where you see they hold this negative belief or toxic belief and maybe they're not even aware that they hold it.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah, I want you to picture this scene. So imagine you are reaching the top of your career and you're reaching an executive level, direct level, your main company, whether that's in corporate, whether it's an accountancy law or a top field of medicine and
Dr Nilesh Satguru: you're giving, you're giving, you're giving, you're getting amazing feedback, but inside you feel empty. You feel burnt out. You feel like you're giving and you're not getting, you feel undervalued. You feel like you're not appreciated. And this is actually a real life story from one of my clients. And what happens is they move another company.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: They think it's because of the company [00:15:00] and it happens again and then it happens again. And then they start to actually take a deep look at themselves. And they realize that, that they've been overworking through fear of criticism or fear of success or they haven't really, they haven't really gone inwards and done what their heart's telling them to do because they're afraid they might lose something.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: As opposed to what they're going to gain. And so this literally happened when in my, my, my sessions with one of my clients, that they were leaving their role as a, as a director of a corporate and they want to set up a wellness business, but there was something that kept blocking them and holding them back.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And when we went deep, we realized it was this fear of success, which is actually the fear of the loss of love or belonging. Because, of course, success can be quite a lonely place for some people because all of a sudden you don't think in the same way, you don't have the same environment, same people, same beliefs, and so often the inner child or the little [00:16:00] part within us is afraid that we're going to lose something.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: So the good news is when you're aware of that, you can surround yourself with people who make you feel like you belong, and as a result, you can have the best of both worlds.
Amardeep Parmar: Something I'm spotting a lot now, right, is you often see quite a few Asians getting to the top of the ladder in the corporate world.
Amardeep Parmar: And many of them might complain about their bosses, whatever like that, but there's relatively fewer of them who are then going out and doing their own thing and actually building their own companies. And I see that quite often. You see, now that I do my own thing, I go to some of these events and you can see people complaining about promotions or this or that, and they're doing very well in their careers.
Amardeep Parmar: But this whole other world of potentially doing their own thing, it's even though they know they're good at what they do, they know that they've got the skills, they believe that they should get promoted. They still don't believe in themselves or they don't believe that they're capable of doing their own thing as stepping out of that corporate ladder.
Amardeep Parmar: Is that something you see quite often as well? And you mentioned it was similar to what the problem you said there, right? Of the person who is doing very well in their career and wants to step aside and build their own business. [00:17:00] But the idea that. Those skills weren’t translated.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah. And by the way, they did translate and they're doing amazingly well, of course, because as we well know that building a business is all about skills as well.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: I'm going to talk about my own story here because, you know, I, I lived through this lens without realizing it of my worth, my happiness, my success comes from things outside of me. So I used to go to medical trainings and used to see that teachers had, the medical lecturers had all these letters next to their name and I'm like, I'm going to get those.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And I did, I got this occupational health diploma, I got this lifestyle medicine diploma, I had 21 letters next to my name and it was worth it was, I didn't say it was worth it certainly wasn't worthless, but it was, it didn't have the meaning that I really wanted. What I really saw was service, contribution, transformation of people making a difference.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And I just thought that that was the vehicle that I had to go down. You know, I think I just, I just want to share with people that the most, one of the most important things that I've learned through my mistakes is [00:18:00] you must never look outside of yourself, what we call object referral, keep your true self as a point of referral.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And that's essentially self mastery, pay attention to those moments that feel timeless, like this conversation, pay attention to when your heart feels on fire, when you have passion and desire and love freedom, you know, where someone pays you a compliment for something that seemed effortless to you. But to them, it was the world.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Pay attention to that because it's always speaking to you. And, uh, you know, if you do that and you follow that, I can't guarantee the thing about looking outside yourself. It's all based on control and power, like you wanting to know what's going to happen next.
Amardeep Parmar: Yeah.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: But nobody knows this stuff. You
Dr Nilesh Satguru: know, it’s like life is a lot more fun when we detach that and I get it it's really hard to do that. So that's my, my lesson from that, from collecting all those things that I thought would make me happy. There's actually one other small story is as I was just about to make the jump into entrepreneurship and I left the partnership, I was working at the other practice in the village [00:19:00] and I was looking into the eyes of this guy who was 10 years ahead of me in his career, had all the titles, amazing, like, you know, rock star of the world, shall we say in that
Dr Nilesh Satguru: in that department. And they look miserable. I remember saying that to my dad, I remember going back and saying it to my dad and just saying, I don't want that. Looking inwards and not outwards.
Amardeep Parmar: Obviously, a lot of people are asking from the podcast, or they reach out to me about different things and they'll say, and like I said, they'll do some of these external marks of success, right?
Amardeep Parmar: So I've been featured in Forbes, I've been done this, I've been done that. And it's like, now that I'm over 150 episodes in, right? It's a bit, those markers have changed in terms of my perception of them. But what I think is important sometimes with some of these markers, they can help you if it's a means to an end, right?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yes.
Amardeep Parmar: If you're getting those letters because you want to actually use those, like what that thing that you studied for is going to enable you to do things in the right way. It's going to enable you to do things that are going to make you happy. If you're getting it for the sake of getting it, that's where the problem comes [00:20:00] into play.
Amardeep Parmar: And it doesn't matter what group, what you're in, right? If you're an entrepreneur and you're just trying really hard to win an award, be featured in Forbes or be in the BBC, then is that just for the meaning, not for the, you can put it on your website.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Status.
Amardeep Parmar: Yeah, status, yeah.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: we're all seeking status, aren't we? And I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that, you know, the whole reason why our families want us to be doctors, lawyers, and accountants is for status because status meant security.
Amardeep Parmar: Yeah.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Status meant you're respected, not criticized. So this makes sense. It's not that you shouldn't feel wrong for doing that.
Amardeep Parmar: Yeah. And I think what happens over time is that people start to realize that that status by itself doesn't necessarily mean anything. Right. But if for example, those letters enable you to then help more people, that means something.
Amardeep Parmar: And even if you go back to my karate background, right. Is that a lot of people quit as soon as they get black belt because they just wanted the status of saying they're a black belt. If they actually enjoy the process, then you take that black part and you continue training and that's why I think a lot of people should think about more It's like if you're trying to chase and try to go into this [00:21:00] try to do that Is it that that enabled you to then do more of what you enjoy?
Amardeep Parmar: Or are you just doing it for that tick? And the more you do things just for that tick of like, yes, I've done that. But did it mean anything? Did it not mean anything? And I think it's a sad thing is sometimes it takes success in order for people to realize that. And we're talking about earlier in terms of money as well, right?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yes.
Amardeep Parmar: People think, Oh, I need this amount of money to be happy. Is that really true or is that just what you tell yourself? And it's so difficult when you're in the journey to know why you're doing things correctly.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Absolutely. I got to ask you about your karate, one question. What, what do you believe your karate gives you in the rest of your life?
Amardeep Parmar: So I haven't done it for now for a few years, but I did it for over a decade. And the key thing it gave me is a lot of confidence as well. Right. Is that I, you see a lot of people very much driven by needing to prove they're strong, right? So look, for example, like earlier this week, before we recorded this, I admitted on social media, [00:22:00] I've started therapy because I don't need to prove I'm strong anymore to anybody.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Beautiful.
Amardeep Parmar: I'm not worried about people thinking I'm weak and karate, it’s not because I can go around and beat people up. It's not about that. It's about the inner belief it gave me is that if I can handle the training. If I have that focus, I have that mindset, then that means I can go further with life, right? And it means that I back myself in different situations.
Amardeep Parmar: And I think that that pressure, if you're used to kind of standing there and people trying to punch you in the face and you can not be scared, then it gives you that belief in other problems you face in life as well. And I think that's the main thing karate gave me. And it doesn't need to be a martial art.
Amardeep Parmar: I could be anything. This is anything you did to a higher level.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: This is exactly right. And please keep going. I was just riffing on you.
Amardeep Parmar: Yeah. And it can be dance. It can be like, I've done, one of the things I think I've found throughout my life is that I do multiple things to get to a higher level than I pick something new to start, right?
Amardeep Parmar: And what I enjoy is that stage of when you're, once you've got to that stage where you're very good at something, you've [00:23:00] got that belief in it. And it just feels effortless. Like you mentioned earlier, right? Cause that effortlessness, that's an amazing feeling. And that's something which I enjoy rather than just a simple fact of, Oh, yeah, I can tell people about, but it's more about that, that journey and that feeling it gives you.
Amardeep Parmar: And I guess, in medicine would have given you that, right? So when you're then stepping into becoming an entrepreneur. Obviously you're not good at the beginning, right?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: No, not at all.
Amardeep Parmar: And how did you overcome that? How did you go from this very, you must have had self belief in I'm a great doctor, but then being able to take that step down and make mistakes and I'm not very good at this because that's something that stops a lot of people from doing new things, right?
Amardeep Parmar: They might not enjoy what they're doing, but it might not make the massively happy, but at least I know I'm good at it. Whereas it's hard for people to then go to something which is a bad out and start that journey again.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, look, I'm going to pick up on two things from your story and I'll relate it to this.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: The first thing is what Amar was talking about with his karate is the exact beautiful definition of self [00:24:00] referral, you know, in that moment, you didn't need to prove anything self confidence. You stand differently. You see more opportunities. Your life's just much better and then the second thing you said is effort for effortful to effortless and I want to ask everyone and I asked myself this question, a lot what right now feels effortful that can become effortless or what at the moment feels effortless that was once effortful.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: So in one word in how I transitioned and it's compassion And that's essentially what I do. I help people transform through the power of compassion because compassion sows a seal of self mastery within you. When I started, Oh my God, I've lost counting the amount of no's I got. I lost count of the amount of times I thought I made a fool out of myself and beat myself up.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And I started to look for ways of how I can enjoy this journey of what is just a beautiful process of entrepreneurship, being able to actually help you. I mean, you think about it for a minute. You start off with an idea and all of a sudden you're helping people and then you have people that you have [00:25:00] subcontracts and you know, you support you.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: It's an amazing process, but without compassion, I would have given up and I, 100 percent would have given up. I would have gone back to medicine. I would probably be unfulfilled again. Um, I would be struggling. And in ways that, who knows, I mean, my dad died just like yours, your dad's died recently. My dad died in March and without compassion for myself, this is, I'm talking about self compassion first.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: I couldn't have continued to produce, be out there serving my clients and my family, my young family. So in a word, it's compassion that helps you go. And there's loads of research on this as well. And I can talk for hours about that, but I won't do that today.
Amardeep Parmar: What are some of the mistakes that you made and you had to
Amardeep Parmar: almost forgive yourself for and be like, okay, it's okay that I made the mistake. And I've learned from it. And maybe you can help somebody who might be making that mistake today, or is going to make the mistake in a couple months time.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah. Let's say three things. Okay. So the first one is one that [00:26:00] I've only recently realized, and it's the immense power of self awareness.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And it's why self compassion is so incredible because it helps you look in the mirror without blaming your true self and just looking at the performance, performance over person. And so I recently went on a silent retreat and I had a good long look at myself and I realized that when I followed a certain process, things worked out and I didn't, it didn't, it's just, it is simple as that.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Second thing we spoke about off air, which is being too influenced by the people who aren't your people. And this is why I mentioned earlier, you know, whether it's coaching or whatever, do the deep work on yourself, look inside of yourself, find out who are you, what do you value, what do you repeatedly do, what environments are important to you, who's influenced you in your career.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: When you understand these parts of yourself, you start to become a magnet for people who are your people, you keep those people close to you. And everybody else, you very politely don't listen to, with compassion and kindness. [00:27:00] And I was too influenced, and by the way, I mean everyone else, I mean the people you see on social media, I mean the people, like, if I'm not your person, don't listen to me.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: That's completely right. And then the last one is focus and attention, which is a huge problem that I struggled with, and I've realized, the great quote is, attention energizes, intention transforms. So we were talking about this before, if you've got problems with your energy, which of course many of us do, and I had, it was up and down, it's because my attention has been pulled in so many different directions, trying to be the best father I could be, trying to be the best brother, the best son, also, you know, cook at home, whatever it is, and trying to do 10 different projects at once.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And realizing that I could be a jack of all trades, but master of none. Those are the three big mistakes that I've made really, I'd say, is the lack of self awareness, and you can always improve in that. And the second is being too influenced by others who aren't your people. And the third is paying detailed attention to the quality of your attention.[00:28:00]
Dr Nilesh Satguru: If you get the quality of your attention right, things happen fast and they have done for me in that, in that respect.
Amardeep Parmar: You mentioned intentions there, right? So for the audience, where are you today and what are you most excited about for the future? What's coming up?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah. Amazing. So the way I look at intentions is intentions are the desire without an attachment to the exactly how it happens and the end result.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And I've really struggled for a long time. I'm very attached to the way things should happen. Um, my intentions right now is to ripple compassion to the world of entrepreneurs, you know, and that could be through writing, through speaking, through coaching. I'm very open. And as a result, I've just become infinitely more relaxed.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Now, one thing I will say is I must be better in a lot of ways with the business aspects, and I'm starting to love that process. But like many coaches, we love the coaching, but not the business side of it. And now I'm learning to love that process. I haven't really explained what I mean by self mastery, but essentially self mastery is the continuous expansion of who [00:29:00] you are and the effortless fulfillment of meaningful desires is essentially how you flourish, how you have that sense of wellbeing and not just, not just life satisfaction at any one moment is actually about contribution service, giving back, going inwards to give outwards, probably the simplest way I would describe it.
Amardeep Parmar: So enjoy this conversation, but we're gonna have to go to some quick fire questions now. So the first one is, who are three British Asians, you'd love to shout out who you think people listening right now should be paying attention to and following.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Okay, well, I'm Sri Lankan by background, so I've got to shout out Romesh Ranganathan.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Uh, I seen that, I mean, he's completely, what I found so amazing about him is that he's made a career out of the jokes we used to tell at parties, which is brilliant. I must shout out my good friend, mental inspiration, Simon Ong. Who's been on this podcast, uh, he's just the deep work he goes into and is making, you know, a global impact with his [00:30:00] work now.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And then third of all, I've got to shout out, uh, Rangan Chatterjee, who was an absolutely huge inspiration when I first saw him and, and I got to meet him, an incredibly kind person as well, which is, you know, which is a lovely thing.
Amardeep Parmar: So huge fan of all these people. Next question. Is what could people listening right now reach out to you about for help?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: If you're wanting to unlock your true self, true success and fulfillment or self mastery, if you're struggling with clarity about your next steps or self doubt, self confidence or really, if you have a powerful vision for the future and you need somebody to help you see what you cannot see, you need someone to challenge you in ways that no one else has.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: And to give you a really deep experience of that, uh, then be in touch.
Amardeep Parmar: And then on the flip side, is there anything you need help with right now?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Oh my God. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Well, we got, I got two young kids, you got the trials and tribulations of a young family. I always am looking for people to challenge me.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: I love being challenged. Call [00:31:00] me out, ask me questions. Tell me what you think I could be better at. I, I'm. Always interested in people who, who can do that. And I think I, I don't love this word marketing. Uh, I much prefer giving people a deep experience and building relationships. That's what I much prefer, but I'm always looking to improve in that department.
Dr Nilesh Satguru: How can I build more authentic relationships? So if anyone's open to that.
Amardeep Parmar: So, loved talking today. Have you got any final words for the audience?
Dr Nilesh Satguru: Yeah, if there's one message I want to leave people is that compassion not only reduces suffering but also creates mastery. And never forget that going inwards to give outwards, that's what we're really here to do and, you know, hopefully through a lot of the mistakes and stories I shared, we can rip all compassion out into the world.
Amardeep Parmar: Hello, hello everyone. Thank you so much for listening. It means a huge amount to us. And we don't think you realize how [00:32:00] important you are. Because if you subscribe to our YouTube channel, if you leave us a five star review, it makes a world of difference. And if you believe in what we're trying to do here, to inspire, connect and guide the next generation British Asians.
Amardeep Parmar: If you do those things, you can help us achieve that mission and you can help us make a bigger impact. And by doing that, it means we can get bigger guests. We can host more events. We can do more for the community. So you can play a huge part. So thank you so much for supporting us.
